Work is Not Win or Lose
It’s time to move beyond the win/lose mindset
“I’m so frustrated! If I don’t get what I want during this meeting, I lose. And my coworker will get to determine the direction of this important project.”
Have you ever felt this way about your work and your colleagues? I once was coaching with a client who was concerned that they weren’t being persuasive enough during meetings. They sensed that the way they were representing their ideas to the team was actually turning them off to this person’s vision. Were they being too opinionated? Too domineering? Too desperate?
As we engaged in the coaching conversation, we finally got to the root of the issue and their behavior: this client felt that if their ideas weren’t adopted, they would “lose” and their teammate with a different idea would “win”.
So we explored that win/lose mindset. Thinking they were going to “lose” team conversations led them to vacillating between being domineering or desperate. Their fear of losing led them to engage with their colleagues from an energy that was combative, not collaborative.
I asked, “What if you shifted from the mindset of everyone either loses or wins? What if you focused on a scenario where there is no such thing as winning and losing?”
It was a lightbulb moment for the client. They had always operated from the perspective that in order for someone to win, someone else had to lose. As the session ended, they were eager to approach their next meeting from the perspective of collaboration and win-win-win, not winning and losing.
This is the mindset of conscious leaders: be humble and focus on a win-win-win solution, so no one loses. John Mackey elaborates on this concept in his book, Conscious Leadership:
“Win-win-win thinking is an ethical strategy that can help guide us, as conscious leaders, every single day as we navigate the many dimensions of exercising influence, wielding power, and negotiating deals. More important, this approach can help in a much larger endeavor—transforming our world for the better. But to appreciate this philosophy and its power, we have to evolve past our conditioned win-lose, either-or mindset. That can be quite difficult, given how pervasive it is in our society.”
Mackey shares some suggestions for embracing the win-win-win mentality:
Ask yourself, “Is anyone losing in this proposal? Does anyone perceive themselves as getting the short end of the stick? Is there anything we can do to fix that for them?”
Good communication is critical. “It’s virtually impossible to find a win-win-win without all sides being candid about their needs and interests. What does a win look like for them? Don’t assume you already know.”
The enemy of creativity is judgement. If you want to create win-win-win solutions, brainstorm without criticism. Then go back later and evaluate the best options for creating a win-win-win.
Be intentional. “[R]epeatedly affirm your desire for a win-win-win solution to the specific challenge. Hold that intention in your heart and mind, with great conviction. This practice activates your subconscious creative mind. Often, it will do so in unforeseen ways—a sudden insight, a wisdom-laden dream, a breakthrough in the shower…”
As Mackey notes, “too much of our culture believes in the win-lose paradigm.” My client had been immersed in this mentality their entire life. But shifting away from that combative mentality freed them to view themselves and their situation differently. They can now engage with their colleagues from a place of curiosity and collaboration. With that perspective, it’s impossible to lose.
Read More: Are You Playing a Finite or Infinite Game?
Work happy. Live happy. BE happy.
Meredith
The way we work and build teams is rapidly changing. Leaders often feel unprepared to navigate the transition. As a conscious leadership coach, consultant, and communicator, Meredith helps leaders and their teams create new ways of working and relating so they can prepare for the future by consciously co-creating it.
Contact her to develop your conscious leadership and transform your organization into the workplace of the future.
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