The Real Me
Peel back the layers of societal programs to find your true self
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I recently heard an interview with comedian Akaash Singh where he talked about how he approaches the craft of comedy. He shared that in the process of developing his career, he felt like he and many other comedians “copy others until we’re comfortable becoming ourselves.”
Essentially, Singh would mimic the style of other comedians until he was able to find his own unique style that was more authentically who he is. He described it as a process of peeling back many layers in order to be “the real authentic me.”
This got me thinking about how often we do this in our own life and career. We look around the room (or the office) and find someone to copy so we can fit in or achieve the same (perceived) success of the people around us. So we start putting on layers of thoughts and behaviors that we think will help us get what we want, whether it be social status, promotions, or financial gain.
While in the short term we may get some of what we want, it comes at a cost. Because these layers of programs can eventually cover up who we really are. And that leads to what Singh described as peeling back multiple layers just to find your true self.
It reminds of the 2003 hit song by Gavin DeGraw: “I Don’t Want to Be.” The lyrics capture the angst of trying to be someone you’re not:
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't wanna be anything other than me
After a while, being inauthentic, and always looking around at others to figure out who you’re supposed be, leads to a deep feeling of emptiness, self-loathing, and perpetual inadequacy. It also robs the world of the unique qualities, talents, and ideas that you, and you alone, can offer.
In response to what he saw as a national issue of young people trying to fit in to the images presented to them by popular culture, DeGraw penned his anthem to encourage others to be their authentic selves. His lyrics describe how he personally decided to deal with the peer pressure:
I don't wanna be anything other
Than what I've been tryna be lately
All I have to do is think of me
And have peace of mind
It's true, the more you can be authentically yourself, you’ll have peace of mind. In fact, this is conscious leadership. Consciousness is your awareness of who you really are, as opposed to the “you” that you believe you are or were taught that you are by society or your circumstances.
Researcher and author Brené Brown uses the word authenticity to describe this concept of looking to others for validation and acceptance: “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
While having a mentor or role model is highly beneficial, look for ways to learn from others while maintaining your own authentic approach. Encourage those you mentor to do the same.
As a conscious leader, consider what societal programs you may have embraced that no longer serve you.
Are you still copying others because you think, “This is how I’m supposed to be?”
How can you be more authentically you?
How can you coach your team to be more authentic?
How can you create a culture that fosters true connection by inviting everyone to share the real, authentic them?
“Let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are. Be imperfect and have compassion for yourself. Connection is the result of authenticity.” – Brené Brown
Work happy. Live happy. BE happy.
Meredith
The way we work and build teams is rapidly changing. Leaders often feel unprepared to navigate the transition. As a conscious leadership coach, consultant and communicator, Meredith helps leaders and their teams create new ways of working and relating so they can prepare for the future by consciously co-creating it.
Contact her to develop your conscious leadership and transform your organization into the workplace of the future.
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