I’m embarrassed of who I was last year
Reflection is important for developing more conscious leadership
I recently came across this thought-provoking quote by author Alain de Botton: “Anyone who isn't embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn't learning enough.”
It’s an interesting observation because it captures some important ideas: we should be reflecting on how we’ve changed every year, embarrassment is a sign of growth, and lack of reflection and embarrassment means we aren’t growing.
I think the essence of this quote is important: we need to reflect on our past beliefs and consider whether they still serve us and who we want to be as conscious leaders. But embarrassment isn’t an empowering emotion. It’s an emotion that evokes shame and I don’t think we should feel shame for our low-consciousness beliefs and actions. After all, we were acting on unconscious or subconscious beliefs that we probably didn’t realize were motivating our actions.
Would we shame a child for once believing in Santa Clause? That child might eventually be embarrassed that they got so excited on Christmas Eve anticipating the arrival of this mythical gift-bearing character. But at the time, it made sense based on their current level of understanding of the world.
It’s the same for adults. As a leader, you may believe that it’s necessary to be gruff with your staff in order to get results. But as your consciousness increases, you realize there are more conscious ways to lead your team and get even better results by being kind to your staff.
To be more conscious leaders, it’s helpful to periodically (whether at the end of year, quarterly, etc.) reflect on our beliefs and actions. Do we still believe those same things? Do we like the actions those beliefs evoke?
When I look back on what I believed and did ten years ago, I’m amazed at how different I am now. So many of my beliefs were based in fear. “If you don’t do this, this bad thing will happen to you.” My subconscious beliefs had me in a constant state of anxiety that something bad would happen if I wasn’t perfect.
For a period of time in my youth, my family was in a cult. There’s even a documentary on this fundamentalist Christian cult, Shiny Happy People. I look back now and am shocked at so many of the rigid, judgmental beliefs my family embraced when we were part of this group. No television, no rock music, no interacting with the opposite sex alone, strict standards about memorizing the Bible. Coming out of that cult meant shifting my beliefs away from what I was told by authoritarian figures and discovering what I truly believe for myself.
I’m still bringing to my conscious awareness so many beliefs rooted in fear. Occasionally I may feel a little embarrassed about how I acted and treated others based on these hard-wired beliefs. But I mostly feel grateful that I’m now aware of these subconscious beliefs that motivated my behavior and how I interacted with others.
And I look with compassion on myself and others involved in that cult because we participated in it based on our (or, for children, their parents’) current level of awareness or consciousness. As we became wiser and increased our consciousness, we were able to see that many of the tenets and practices of that group were not highly conscious and we parted ways. I’ve seen so many others leave that cult after us and also look back with embarrassment or shame about how they acted during that time. But there is no judgment; just love for them as they increase their consciousness.
This surfacing of subconscious, often destructive beliefs is one of my favorite parts of coaching. I’ve worked with clients who have struggled for years with a challenge, but when they suddenly realize it was a subconscious belief causing them to create that challenge for themselves, it’s a truly liberating moment. It’s like walking out of a dark cave and seeing a bright blue sky full of unlimited possibilities. There’s so much freedom and joy when we recognize then discard those old beliefs.
For conscious leaders, take the time to examine your actions and beliefs. If your actions are causing issues, determine what belief—whether conscious or subconscious—is driving that behavior. You can shift to a new way of believing and being. It will transform you as a leader. And it will create more harmony and opportunity for those around you.
This process is a life-long journey. I’m certain in January 2025, I’ll look back at some beliefs I shed in 2024 and be even more grateful for this new conscious awareness that empowers me to choose what I want to believe and how I act.
Work happy. Live happy. BE happy.
Meredith
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The way we work and build teams is rapidly changing. Leaders often feel unprepared to navigate the transition. As a conscious leadership coach, consultant, and communicator, Meredith helps leaders and their teams create new ways of working and relating so they can prepare for the future by consciously co-creating it.
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