I want to be the Best Mess Possible
Authenticity and vulnerability can change the way we work, live, and relate
At some point you’ve probably heard or even used the phrase “hot mess.” It’s a common description for someone who appears disorganized or falling apart, but still seems attractive in the midst of it. It’s usually used as a term of endearment for those we see as having flaws, but we still love them.
Fundamentally, “a mess” could describe each of us. We all have areas where we feel vulnerable or not good enough. Or we go through periods where life is challenging and it feels like everything is messy and falling apart. Unfortunately, we often feel like we have to hide parts of ourselves that we fear others will judge as imperfect. This is especially true in the workplace.
This feeling of not being good enough or being judged prevents us from forming deep, meaningful relationships at work and in life. Whether it’s company culture or societal or familial expectations, there are countless things that can make us feel like we’ll never measure up.
Author Chidera Eggerue delivered a powerful TEDx talk on the topic of expectations, judgment, vulnerability, and personal acceptance. The following quote sums her presentation perfectly: “I know I’m a mess, but I want to be the best possible mess I can be.”
We often base our self-worth on what a coworker or manager thinks. If we don’t get that promotion or we don’t get high praise, we feel like a mess and a failure. But the truth is, our value transcends any job or company. As Eggerue points out, why do we so desperately want for someone to approve of us when that person probably hasn’t even learned to love themself?
And why spend so much time worrying about what others think when each of us changes our opinions as we grow and evolve? Often times the person we’re worrying about doesn’t even know what they truly want and are basing their opinions on standards others have set for them.
Expectations, whether imposed by society or created on our own, make us feel like we aren’t enough. They can make us feel like a totally unlovable mess that doesn’t deserve to be valued at work or in life. For most of my adult life, I’ve felt like there’s a gigantic clock hanging over my head and if I don’t achieve my ambitious goals by X date, I’ll be a failure. I’m often my own worst enemy when it comes to expectations and pressure to succeed.
Everyone wants to be perfect. But what is perfect? What you want now seems perfect, but that could change in a few years. The same goes for those around us. What they think is “perfect” or “messy” right now could completely change in 2 years as their level of consciousness rises. Life experience leads to greater empathy and understanding for ourselves and everyone around us.
Here’s the truth:
You are enough.
You matter.
Your ideas and opinions matter.
You are valued.
If you are in a situation either at work or in life where those around you contribute to you feeling less than enough, it’s time to stand up for yourself. Find a work culture and relationships that appreciate your best-mess-possible self.
As a conscious leader, how are you empowering your team to live and work authentically? How can you appreciate each team member as “the best mess possible?” When we allow ourselves and our teams to be the best mess possible, we can achieve the best success possible.
Work happy. Live happy. BE happy.
Meredith
The way we work and build teams is rapidly changing. Leaders often feel unprepared to navigate the transition. As a conscious leadership coach, consultant and communicator, Meredith helps leaders and their teams create new ways of working and relating so they can prepare for the future by consciously co-creating it.
Contact her to develop your conscious leadership and transform your organization into the workplace of the future.
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