Have you ever had a conversation where it felt like the other person was just waiting for you to finish your sentence so they could jump in and share their opinion? It felt like they weren’t really listening, and were instead busy thinking about what they wanted to say. It’s a frustrating feeling. Conversely, when we’re in a conversation where the other person is truly listening to us, we feel deep connection.
Listening is one of the most powerful skills we as humans can develop. It’s incredibly empowering to others when we genuinely listen to them. In fact, being truly heard is one of our most essential needs. Here’s what Oprah Winfrey once observed about the power of listening to and connecting with others:
“Every single person you will ever meet shares a common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’”
As a conscious leader, listening is one of the most powerful ways to serve your team. There are three levels of listening:
Subjective listening is listening based on the agenda or needs of the listener. Whatever is said is related back to the listener.
Here’s an example: A teammate confesses, “I’m struggling with motivation.”
The subjective listener responds, “You just have to do it. I used to struggle with it, but I think about the consequences and that motivates me.”
In this situation, the subjective listener didn’t truly help the other person and instead made the conversation about them.
Objective listening is where the listener is completely focused on the person speaking. There is no thought about how the information relates personally to the listener.
Here’s an example: “I’m struggling with motivation.”
The objective listener responds, “You’re struggling, but you seem to be doing it. Congrats!”
While this level is more effective, it doesn’t get to the heart of the person’s struggle with motivation.
Intuitive or active listening is the highest level of listening. The listener is intuitively connecting to the speaker’s real message. They listen for what is not being said. They pay attention to not only what is being said, but also the tone of voice, energy level, feelings, words being used, and body language.
In active listening, the listener reflects back what they’re hearing. This is also known as mirroring. In coaching sessions, I use the exact language the client is using so they know I heard them and I’m mirroring back the language they use.
Here's an example: “I’m struggling with motivation.”
The intuitive, active listener responds, “It sounds like you really want to do this, but you feel exhausted and frustrated.”
In order to effectively lead your team and have influence in your organization, listening is your most powerful skill. Actively solicit input and feedback from your team. Listen to the words they use. Then listen for what isn’t spoken, but what’s felt under the surface. Management guru Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”
During this time of great change in the workplace, you can set your organization and team apart by deeply listening. Your team will feel heard, seen, and that they matter. In a conscious workplace, that is exactly how we want our colleagues to feel.
This week, consider which level of listening you typically engage. Then look for ways to use more intuitive, active listening. Take note of the response from those you listen to. Does it shift their energy? Do they seem more positive? How did both of you feel as a result?
Developing your listening skills will make you a more conscious leader and create greater trust and connection for your team.
Work happy. Live happy. BE happy.
Meredith
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The way we work and build teams is rapidly changing. Leaders often feel unprepared to navigate the transition. As a conscious leadership coach, consultant and communicator, Meredith helps leaders and their teams create new ways of working and relating so they can prepare for the future by consciously co-creating it.
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